


when the party's over

by criminally_minded



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 20:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21022067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criminally_minded/pseuds/criminally_minded
Summary: A muscle jumped in Hotch’s jaw as he stared at the other man intently. He nodded curtly, standing abruptly and walking toward the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob. “You know I love you, right?”Spencer cried harder still, pressing his palms against his eyes. “Not enough. I love you too, but it’s not enough.”And with that, Aaron was gone.





	when the party's over

When Spencer opened his eyes, Aaron was sitting up, facing away from him, already half dressed. He was quickly buttoning his dress shirt and starting to adjust his cuffs. 

“Leaving already?” Spencer asked quietly, propping himself up on his elbow.

Aaron looked over his shoulder and sighed heavily. “Please don’t do this. You know I have to go.”

Spencer flopped back onto his pillow, blinking rapidly to get rid of the moisture accumulating. “Sorry,” he replied and cleared his throat. “I know.” 

A brief pause, and then the other man quietly finished dressing. He lay back on the bed for a moment, placing his hand on Spencer’s cheek and turning his face to so they were looking at each other. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry. You know it has to be this way. You know this is all I can give you.”

Spencer shook his head slowly and covered the large, warm hand on his cheek with his own. “No. I know that you  _ say  _ it has to be this way, and that this is all you can give me.” He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do this looking into Aaron’s warm brown eyes, full of sympathy. “What I know is that I deserve better than this. And the longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be to end it.”

There was a long silence. Spencer had a vague sensation like time itself had stopped. They were motionless, silent. The only sound was the pounding of his heart in his eardrums. He already regretted what he had said, and it took everything he had not to immediately take it back. 

Aaron withdrew his hand slowly, fingers dragging along the younger man’s jaw as he drew back. “Spence… Are you sure about this?”

“No,” The blonde answered, unable to stop the tears from escaping and leaving tracks down his cheeks. “Which is why I need you to leave now, or I’m going to change my mind.” 

A muscle jumped in Hotch’s jaw as he stared at the other man intently. He nodded curtly, standing abruptly and walking toward the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob. “You know I love you, right?” 

Spencer cried harder still, pressing his palms against his eyes. “Not enough. I love you too, but it’s not enough.” 

And with that, Aaron was gone. 

* * *

The next few weeks were torturous for Spencer. Aaron had slipped back into his role as the perfect boss - calm, collected, professional, even a bit cold. As if nothing had ever happened. Meanwhile, Spencer could hardly make eye contact.. He felt himself being more awkward than ever, though he was powerless to stop it. He rambled off statistics with such frequency and at such an alarming rate that several of the team members had pulled him aside to ask him if he was alright.

‘Oh yes,’ he always answered. ‘I’m fine. Just watched a fascinating documentary on this topic last night.’

The only one he hadn’t managed to convince was, of course, his best friend Morgan. Though Spencer always insisted he was fine, it was like Derek could see right through him. He was being extra attentive to Spencer, though he didn’t know what had happened. Spencer was immensely grateful. He had no idea how someone like him had ended up with a best friend like Morgan. 

Three weeks after Aaron had left him, they were just wrapping up a long case. The team was discussing plans to go out for a well-deserved drink that night.

“You coming, Hotch?” Emily asked, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

Hotch hesitated for a moment, and Spencer could feel his gaze on him, though he stared resolutely at the items he was shoving into his messenger bag. 

“Sure, I’ll go.” 

Spencer looked up in surprise. Aaron almost never went to things like this. He always said it was so that everyone felt they could relax without the boss around. When he looked, he saw Aaron staring straight at him. Spencer flushed from his neck to the tips of his ears.

“Yay!” Garcia bounced excitedly. “We’ll have the full team tonight.”

Spencer’s heart was beating frantically. There was no way he could go out for drinks with Aaron there. He felt like he was going to be sick.

“I, uh. Tonight’s not- I mean.” Spencer couldn’t string a full sentence together. His face was beet red, throat constricting painfully.

As usual, Derek came to his rescue. He slung his arm over Spencer’s shoulders and pulled him close. “Sorry guys, me and Pretty Boy have plans already.” Reid didn’t miss the way Aaron’s eyes narrowed slightly as he appraised the two of them. He couldn’t help but sidle closer to Derek, half hiding behind his friend’s bulk.

Garcia whined. “What am I supposed to do without my boy toy or my boy genius?” 

Derek chuckled, and he was so close that Spencer felt it reverberate through his chest. “I’m sure you’ll keep yourself busy, mama.”

“Well, what are you two doing that’s so spectacular that you would pass on the opportunity to see me outside of work?” the blonde woman teased.

Derek shrugged and glanced sidelong at Spencer, who felt as though all of the blood in his body had pooled in his head. “Probably just gonna grab a bite and have a few drinks at his place. Gonna have a low key night in.”

The girls teased them good-naturedly for being boring as they all walked out the door. The entire walk to their cars, Spencer could feel Hotch’s eyes on his back. When Spencer started to veer off toward his car, Derek put his hand on the small of his back. “Come on, baby boy, I’ll drive.”

Spencer stopped. “You sure?” He hadn’t actually expected Derek to follow through with his impromptu plans.

His best friend gave him his patented million watt smile, the one that crinkled his eyes in the corners and broke hearts everywhere he went. “Would I ask if I weren’t sure?” 

The blond smiled and let himself be led to Derek’s car as they called out goodbyes to their friends over their shoulders. As soon as they were seated with the doors closed behind them, Spencer sighed deeply in relief. “Thank you, Morgan,” he said sincerely.

“You know I would do anything for you, Reid, but I wish that you would tell me what the deal is with you and Hotch.” 

Just like that, with no preamble, a year of secrecy and hiding had crumbled. Morgan knew, maybe had known all along. Panic clouded his senses, constricted his throat. How had they been so careless? Who else knew?

“Hey, hey, Spencer, look at me.” Spencer could hardly hear him, let alone focus on him. Morgan reached over and took his face in both hands. “Calm down, baby, it’s okay. Your secrets are safe with me, you know that.” Another minute passed before Spencer got his breathing under control. 

“Okay?” Morgan asked.

Spencer let out a shaky breath and nodded. “Okay.”

Morgan let his hands drop. He studied Spencer for another moment before he turned the car on and began to drive. They sat together in silence for several minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. 

“It started about a year ago,” Spencer started abruptly. He stared steadfastly at the road ahead. He knew if he looked at Morgan, he would lose his resolve. He gripped his knees so tightly his knuckles were white. 

Derek nodded to show that he was listening and remained silent. 

Spencer swallowed and forced himself to continue. “Him and Haley were having some problems at home and I… I was there for him.” He knew it sounded horrible. It was horrible. Derek didn’t say anything. “I love him,” he trailed off, trying to think out his next words carefully. 

“Haley,” Derek said simply. Spencer should have known he would understand what went unsaid.

He nodded. “Yeah. Haley. I just couldn’t do it anymore - being with him, but not. It’s too hard. A few weeks ago, I told him what we were doing wasn’t enough for me. He left.” Spencer shrugged, as if it hadn’t torn him to pieces. “I’ve just been having a tough time readjusting, I suppose.” Still, Derek said nothing. “It’s okay, though,” Reid said to break the silence. “I’m okay.” He plastered a weak smile on his face and glanced at Derek, who was shaking his head.

“Don’t do that, kid. Not with me.” 

“What?” the genius asked.

“Don’t pretend to be okay when I know that you’re not. You don’t have to hide anything from me, baby. You’re my best friend, no matter how absolutely and completely insane I think you’re being.”

Spencer laughed, his first genuine laugh in days, and Morgan smiled. “There you are, Pretty boy. Now, let’s grab some food and beers, go to your place, and talk about all the ways I’m going to kick Hotch’s ass for hurting you.”

* * *

An hour later, Spencer had almost forgotten why he was so miserable. Spencer and Morgan had changed into pajamas (or in Morgan’s case, just sweatpants, since nothing else the tall, lanky genius owned fit him), put on reruns of a silly sitcom, and dug into their Chinese food, of which they had enough to feed a small army.

Spencer was picking bits of rice out of his hair, which Derek had gleefully thrown at him only a moment before, when there was a loud knock on the door. He glanced at his friend, who just shrugged, since his mouth was full of the same pork fried rice that was in his own hair. He got up to answer the door, still grinning. His face fell quickly when he saw who was behind it.

“Aaron, what are you-”

“I left Haley.” 

The two men stood facing each other, neither knowing quite what to do next.

“Everything okay?”

Spencer glanced quickly over his shoulder at Morgan, who had just stood up from the couch. Aaron looked over Spencer’s shoulder and then averted his gaze. 

“I’m sorry if I interrupted… something. I’ll go.” Hotch turned on his heel and quickly headed down the hall. 

Spencer blinked owlishly between Morgan and the empty doorway. “What just happened?” 

Morgan rolled his eyes and laced his fingers together behind his neck. “C’mon, genius. Keep up. You’ve got a shirtless stud in your living room. He obviously got the wrong idea.” Spencer continued to stare mutely. “Now would be a good time to go after him, kid.”

Reid sprinted down the hallway without any further prompting. He finally caught up with the older man when he was fishing in his pocket for his keys. 

“Why now?” Spencer asked, stopping several feet away.

Aaron took a moment to consider the question, then answered, “Because I’ve been miserable these past few weeks without you. It wasn’t fair for me to lead you on, and it wasn't fair to Haley to stay with her when I can’t stop thinking about someone else.” Aaron reached out as if to grab his hand, but thought better of it and let his hand drop back down to his side. “Tonight when we went out, Garcia and Prentiss were talking about how they thought that you and Morgan might be more than just friends, and I couldn’t bear it. I’ve been so stupid. I took you for granted. I wish I could go back and kick myself for taking so long to realize. I’m in love with you, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. But…” he clenched his jaw for a moment before continuing. “But I understand if I’m too late. I just want you to be happy, and if Morgan is the man who makes you happy, then-” 

He never got to finish, because at that moment Spencer launched himself into the older man’s arms and crashed their lips together. They clutched at each other, Hotch’s strong hands tangling themselves firmly in Reid’s long hair. When they separated for air, Spencer gasped, “I missed you so much. You’re the only one who makes me happy. I am so hopelessly in love with you.”

Aaron pulled him in for another crushing, desperate embrace.

“Don’t ever leave me again,” Spencer breathed into the crook of Aaron’s neck.

“I won’t,” Aaron answered sincerely. “I swear. I won’t.”


End file.
